#85

Tuesday April 17, 2012

Dear Aj

I love you very much but there are days were I feel like I'm not being the kind of mother you deserve. Yesterday as I was leaving for work I noticed that you felt warm. When I checked your tempater my concern was true, your fever was a scary 104. I was busy at work and could not take the day off so Daddy stayed home with you. As I walked out the door, a tear rolled down my check. It's a Mommy's job to sooth their sick child. I knew that you were in good hands with Daddy but it took ever power of my being not to run back inside and cuddle with you. I love my job and I love what my job brings to our family. I often wonder though would you be better off if I stayed home with you? I know the answer is no. You are in a wonderful school that gives you lots of love and experience. When we do spend time together my attention is 100% on you because I crave the moments that I get to spend with you. I will continue to have my "working mother guilt" but deep down I know that I am a good mother. I hope you think so too

Love mommy

#70

Tuesday January 3, 2012

You tried to make it to Midnight, but bed was calling your name

Happy New Years Baby Boy!

You rang in the New Year with 7 of your best friends. Your very best friend Kairi was here and youplayed the night away, finally going to bed at 10:00pm. We put both of you to bed at the same time, you in your crib and Kiari in the portacrib. The next morning you woke and Kiari had gone home to her own crib. You kept pointing to the crib and walking over to it and looking inside for Kairi.

I have mention before that you have a love for music. For your birthday you got a drum filled musical toys, your favorite part of the gift was the 2 drum sticks and the drum itself. Somehow, somewhere your Daddy was able to get you a full mini drum set (a kick drum, a tom, a snare and a crash) You can really wail on that thing. I love seeing how happy you are when you play on it, but I think I may have to invest in a good set of ear plugs

 A couple days ago I thought you walked up to me and said "Hi" I said no that is not what I heard, but no sure enough as the days went on there it was again "Hi" and it was just the cutest "Hi" I have ever heard.  Then as I was leaving this morning I was packing up my bag, you look over your shoulder to me and said "bye-bye" and then went back to watching you show. When Daddy picked you up today from, he called and told me that you were the door man at school today and said "bye-bye" to everyone as you left

I love our life together and am very proud of myself for learning how to find the balance between working and being a Mom. I know that we do not spend all day together, but I have realized that it is okay as long as the time we do spend together is focused on what is important...you! Today though was one of those days when my heart string are pulled at a little bit. I saw you for  a very brief couple minutes as I was walking out the door for work. I was all set to pick you up tonight after work and then take you to a networking party, but your Daddy was able to get off work early, I took that time to work late and then head over to the party. By the time I made it home you were already asleep. These are the nights that I dislike, these are the days were it is hard for me to work. Every cloud has a silver lining and our silver lining is that I make myself be 100% present when we are together. There are plenty of days when you and I will be off for 4 or 5 days straight and I do find myself on facebook or watching tv. I have learned that I am not bad for working, that I am not neglegting you, but maybe just the opposite. I am a better Mommy because of it. Days like these are still hard, but I am looking forward to this Friday when we have off and we get to do something specail.

I love you with all my heart and will always be here for you
Love,
Mommy
 

#47

Dear Aj,                                                                                                   Tuesday July 26 2011

Daddy Kisses!

With every week comes new found adventure, new found talents and new found love. This week your Uncle Tristan walked into the house and started shouting "He's standing, He's standing, I found him standing!" It just broke my heart to tell him that this was not a new trick. It just shows how quick you are changing in front of everyone eyes.

If I could bottle up your laughter and wear it around my neck for an eternity, I would. Sometimes if I am having a bad day, I will give you a little tickle just so I can hear that beautiful sound. You truly bring joy to my life and I feel so lucky to be your mother.   There are times when I feel like you are growing up way to quickly and I am in shock that your first birthday is not that far away.

After I had you I tried different work schedules so that I could find the right balance between being with you and fulfilling my professional duties. I finally found that four, ten hour days worked the best for us. This means that by the time you get up at 6am I am hopping in the shower getting ready to leave for work, I give you a quick kiss on the forehead and I am off for the day. After work I pick you up at 6pm from daycare and we drive home. By the time we walk through the door it is time to feed you, cook Mommy and Daddy's dinner, unpack the bags, bath time, bottle and bed. I sometimes don't even feel like I have time to breath let alone enjoy you, but then Friday rolls around and we start to slow down. We spend the morning running errands and going grocery shopping, it is just you and I.

On weekends when you Daddy has to work, I get you all to myself! And this was one of those weekends, we had a blast. We went to the farmers market and the library, we went swimming and on a walk with Annie,  you even sat in your little fishy swim pool and played for a little while. I love spending time with you and I know that you love being with me too. Sunday night always comes around to quick and a part of my heart cringes when I lay you down to sleep. I know that the up coming week will be hard and fly by in a blur, but Friday morning are always right around the corner and that is what I will be looking forward to.

I love you Baby Boy,
Mommy