#87

Tuesday May 8, 2012

Dear Aj,

A year ago this month we found your tumor. Those were some of the scariest months that I have had to go through. It all has worked out, but I am still scared when I see a bruise, if you nap longer than normal or anything that could be a sign of cancer. I know that these are all very silly things for me to worry about now. Your tumor was benign, it was completely removed and not the kind to spread. Still I have spent this year on high alert with you, I have gone from Red alert and am currently trying to bring myself back into normal range. You are and will always be my baby and it is my job to protect you from bad things happening to you. I have to trust in myself that my Mommy instincts will kick in again if needed and I will always listen to that voice that a year ago let me knew something was wrong. For now it has been a year, your tumor is gone your AFP is in normal range and you are developing like any normal toddler should. We're so lucky and I thank whomever everyday that the path that we were given was just that and not one down another scary road of chemo treatments and extended hospital stays. That path is out there and I am very much aware that it could have been our world today, but it was not. I feel that on this week, the one year mark of finding your tumor it is time for me to put my fears behind me and know that we will not have to travel down that very scary path. My heart and support will forever be with those mothers, children and families. We will always go the extra mile to support them, because it could have very easily have been us. When you growup and are healthy, remember that please. Remember just how lucky you are. I know I will.

I love you more than you will ever know,
Mommy

#70

Tuesday January 3, 2012

You tried to make it to Midnight, but bed was calling your name

Happy New Years Baby Boy!

You rang in the New Year with 7 of your best friends. Your very best friend Kairi was here and youplayed the night away, finally going to bed at 10:00pm. We put both of you to bed at the same time, you in your crib and Kiari in the portacrib. The next morning you woke and Kiari had gone home to her own crib. You kept pointing to the crib and walking over to it and looking inside for Kairi.

I have mention before that you have a love for music. For your birthday you got a drum filled musical toys, your favorite part of the gift was the 2 drum sticks and the drum itself. Somehow, somewhere your Daddy was able to get you a full mini drum set (a kick drum, a tom, a snare and a crash) You can really wail on that thing. I love seeing how happy you are when you play on it, but I think I may have to invest in a good set of ear plugs

 A couple days ago I thought you walked up to me and said "Hi" I said no that is not what I heard, but no sure enough as the days went on there it was again "Hi" and it was just the cutest "Hi" I have ever heard.  Then as I was leaving this morning I was packing up my bag, you look over your shoulder to me and said "bye-bye" and then went back to watching you show. When Daddy picked you up today from, he called and told me that you were the door man at school today and said "bye-bye" to everyone as you left

I love our life together and am very proud of myself for learning how to find the balance between working and being a Mom. I know that we do not spend all day together, but I have realized that it is okay as long as the time we do spend together is focused on what is important...you! Today though was one of those days when my heart string are pulled at a little bit. I saw you for  a very brief couple minutes as I was walking out the door for work. I was all set to pick you up tonight after work and then take you to a networking party, but your Daddy was able to get off work early, I took that time to work late and then head over to the party. By the time I made it home you were already asleep. These are the nights that I dislike, these are the days were it is hard for me to work. Every cloud has a silver lining and our silver lining is that I make myself be 100% present when we are together. There are plenty of days when you and I will be off for 4 or 5 days straight and I do find myself on facebook or watching tv. I have learned that I am not bad for working, that I am not neglegting you, but maybe just the opposite. I am a better Mommy because of it. Days like these are still hard, but I am looking forward to this Friday when we have off and we get to do something specail.

I love you with all my heart and will always be here for you
Love,
Mommy
 

Celebrate Good Times... Come On!

On Friday August 12, 2011 Aj, Grandpa and I made the familiar drive into Oakland to go visit our favorite  pediatric  oncologist Dr. Goodman.  Three month back when we found the tumor the Doctors noticed that Ajs AFP was also elevated. After the surgery his AFP never dropped like we were expecting, since then we have been watching his levels very closely hoping that they would fall back into normal range.


Aj's AFP History
5/25 - 35.4, 5/31 - 31.1, 6/7 - 25.8, 6/14 - 30.3, 6/21 - 21.5, 6/28 - 23.06, 7/5 - 28 and finally 8/9 - 27.8

Most doctors would consider 0-15 to be the normal AFP range.  Since day one Aj never has done anything normal, so why would his AFP be any different? Dr. Goodman is confident that because everything else looks good that this slight elevation in his AFP just happens! He is eating, sleeping and playing like a normal healthy little boy. All his blood work and ultra sounds are also coming back normal.  This all comes down to.... Aj has been given a clean bill of health... its time to celebrate!!!

In this time of celebration, I would like to take a moment and send out a prayer for all those families who are still going through the fight or who have lost the battle. My thoughts, love and prayers will always be with you

Fadi and Liz's Wedding Long Beach, Ca

 In college you face many challenges: getting into your classes, passing exams, finding food at 2am, you know, the important stuff. Some how through all the parties and late night studying Fadi and Liz met, fell in love and had time to build a relationship together. Over the next seven years they allowed their relationship to grow and mature with them. Their friendship grew stronger, their love for each other more true. The day finally came when they knew that it was just meant to be 

They truly fell in love 

Happy Groom waiting for his Bride

Love is a beautiful thing

Proud Father walking his Daughter down the isle

I always cry at weddings, they remind me of hope and the wonders of the future. I am  reminded again about my own vows,  my own promises that I took with the one that I love

Saying I do

The Kiss

Friends old and new come together to celebrate with the happy couple !

Crazy Theta Chi Boys

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Fadi's Beautiful Sister giving a touching toast

Sean not disappointing us with his 11 minutes and 30 second toast

Me with my wonderful friend Fadi

Thank you very much Fadi and Liz for allowing me to share in your very special day. The whole weekend was a blast and I enjoyed every moment of it.

What's For Dinner?

I have talked to a couple moms in the last couple of weeks with babies starting to eat solid foods and the question that everyone is asking is "What's for Dinner?" my answer is I am still trying to figure it out.

I know this, Aj LOVES
1. Blueberries
2. Shake and Bake Tofu (tofu cubes shaken in crushed up cereal)
3. Yogurt (any flavor)
4. Cheesy Toast (thanks Christine for the tip!)

He will pick through the rest of the food on his tray to make sure he only gets his favorites.

I am finding this to be a hard stage for a couple different reasons besides not knowing what to feed him. My Biggest concern is finding enough foods that are soft enough for Aj to eat, that are easy to make and healthy. Up until now I would make batches of baby food and freeze them. At the beginning of the week I would pack Aj's meals for the week to sendto daycare and when we got home at night all I would have to do for dinner is stick a couple of frozen cubes in the microwave and presto I was done! Now I am having to try to find my dinner making groove for this new stage! I am hopping in a couple weeks I will have it down with a longer list of baby likes and easy home cooked meal tips and tricks!

Nearing the end of our Journey

We met with Aj's Oncologist on Friday and had a very positive meeting. She broke down all of Aj's test results for us. Here are the cliff notes:  Aj has a Pure Mature Teratom, which is great! The tumor was benign and the doctors were confident that the tumor didn't spread. I can't explain how relived we were to hear the confident in the Doctors voice as she explained to us the good news. The one thing that did concerned her was that Aj's AFP went up, not down. She reassured me that this could be normal but we may want to be a little bit more aggressive with our monitering.

AFP is tricky because babies tend to have a elevated levels to about six to eight months of age, doctors are finding that sometime it can take a child up to one year for levels to drop into normal range.  The reason why we keep mentioning Aj's AFP and why we are watching it so  carefully is because AFP can be used to detect certain types of cancer and liver problems.  Kaiser says that "Normal" levels are 0-15, Aj's last AFP test was 30.

We have taken Aj's AFP test for the last 4 weeks and his number have been 35-30-25-30. The raise could just be his little body doing its normal thing, BUT after everything that we just went through I wold prefer to overly cautious than sorry and so do the doctors. We will be checking his levels for the next 3 weeks as well as getting an ultra sound of his liver.

So all in all, I have to say that I think we had some wonderful Appointments and came out very hopeful that we can put this behind us and move on.

Thank you for everyone's prayers. I will make sure and let everyone know in the next months or so when we know for sure that we are out of the woods. But for now we are very happy with what we have in front of us. 

Aftermath

Today is the first day that I am really trying to get things back to normal after finding out about Aj's tumor. Life must go on and for me this is the only way that I can deal with what our future may hold. If I keep myself busy with my household chores, work and the baby I do not have time to think about the "what if's". Last night after everything was done and our company had left I got that knot in my stomach and my mind wandered to the "what if's". That is the scary place and I am desperatly trying to avoid going there. My imagination takes over and  I have to remind my self that there is just no point in worrying until we know more. Right? This is what I keep telling myself over and over: My baby will be okay. He is not sick. Look he is laughing and smiling right know. We are just making a big deal out of nothing. I keep repeating this every time I go to that "what if" place. I remind myself that there are families out there going through worse things than I am right now. I need to be strong for them, for my self and for my child. We will get through this, what ever this is.  I am strong, my family and friends make me even stronger. I am praying for all the families out there who are going through pain that is just so much worse than mine.

I am so blessed.

You are one in a Million

Tuesday May 31, 2001

I know that many of you have read that Aj has gone into surgery recently and that he has been diagnosed with a cancers tumor. Here is our Story.
 
Three Months Ago at Aj's six month check up I noticed that his Doctor checked his testicles. I had no idea why she did that or even what she was looking for, but none the less I went home that day and checked Aj's testicles. At that point I knew that his testicles were normal considering he got the all clear from his Doctor. A couple weeks later while changing Aj's diaper I checked his testicles again and noticed that one was a little larger than the other. I really did not think anything of it at the time but did make a subconscious Mommy mental note to check it again later. Later came and I checked and found that it was indeed getting bigger, so big it made me nervous and I called and scheduled his 9 month check up a couple weeks early.

 His doctor did notice that his left testicle was x4 bigger than the normal size and ordered an ultra sound for the following week. She reassured me that this would be nothing to lose sleep over and she would have been right, apparently there are quite a few things that can make a babies testicle enlarge.

However during our ultra sound the technician noticed right away that something was not right and called in two different doctors and they confirmed that Aj had a tumor on his testicle and it would have to be removed. Aaron and I were in shock and did not know how to handle the news. We took the baby to get his blood drawn later that week to have a better idea of what we were up against. Everything came back normal (whew) except for the AFP which came back twice the normal level and indicates that Aj's tumor could be malignant.

When we meet with Aj's urlogist he informed us that no matter how much he would like to save Aj's testicle he just felt that it would be best to take the whole thing out. He feared that the Tumor was a Yolk Sac Tumor which only happens 1.6 in a 1,000,000 case, what are the odds.  Gulp... my precious 8.5 month old little boy is going to lose his testicle... what! Aaron and I had a lot to think about, are we doing the right thing? Should we wait and get a second opinion? What if we wait and get a second opinion and that gives the cancer time to spread and then what? We decided that with the information that we had it would be in Aj's long term best interest to remove the testicle.

That brings us up to today's surgery. The Baby did great and was able to come straight home. Now we just have to wait for the results of the pathology, blood work and chest xray to come back. The test can come back in two ways: that we are all clear which would be great  or saying we may have a longer path in front of us.  I still have no idea what that path in tales. Time will only tell what will happen. No matter what, the prognosis for this type of cancer is 95% curable...happy dance time

Through this all, I have to consider myself blessed. I am blessed because I listened to Mommies instinct and found the tumor really early, I am blessed because I have a wonderful family who has surrounded me and my boys with there love and support. I have great friends who have prayed for Aj and  I am just so thankful. Today my baby is at home and asleep and I know that he is loved my so many people.

Thank you everyone for your Love and Support

XOXO
Sabline, Aaron and Aj

I just love being your mom

This is nothing more than me wanting to remember this feeling of incredible love that I have for you. Today is Friday a day I look forward to all week because it is our day. I love our easy going morning when it is just the two of us and all we have to do is sit and play. I love watching you figuring out life and all that it has to offer. I love it when we go out and run earrends later in the day and you are in the back seat laughing and babbling at the cute baby in the mirror. To make it better, every place we go into everyone talks about how cute you are. And you know, they are right. I fell in love with you the minute the doctor put you into my arms, but everyday you get to become a little bit more of a person and I just love it. I know that you are going to keep me busy and on my toes and all I have to say is bring it on Aj! I am ready for the wild ride that you are going to take us on.

Sugar...Sugar Everywhere

A couple of weeks ago I decided to try to lose the last 10lb of baby weight by May 7. My plan is to use exercise to "tone" my left over baby flab and diet to help in losing the extra weight. I have found this awesome FREE app for my iphone 4 called MyFitnessPal it counts all my nutritional value during the day.
This app is crawling fast up my list of favorites, I use it through out the day and it really has been a huge help to me. One thing that has always been hard for me when it came to counting calories is looking up the information for my food. But not with my new app!!!!! It is loaded with tons of information on foods form major brand, chain restaurant, as well as homemade recipes so as you can see it is easy as pie to count calories... ummm pie.... NoNoNo not in my diet plan :-)

My Second reason why I am falling in love with this app is I have realized that I am over shooting my daily intake on other key weight loss factors such as sugar, fat, and carbs. Right know I am concentrating on calories and sugar, which brings me to my topic. I am starting to realize that there is sugar in EVERYTHING! Did you know that you are only supposed to have about 24 grams a sugar a day!!! That is insane especially since one piece of fruit is 17+ grams of sugar and a teaspoon of sugar is around 5 grams. As you can see your sugars (even if you thought you were eating a healthy diet can add up quick. So what is a girl to do if she wants to eat a some what normal diet and be healthy? I have decided that natural sugars that occur in foods like fruit and milk are free but what about everything else? I am and have always been against artificial sweeteners, so that is out of the question. That just leaves me to cut sugars out of my diet where I can. A few simple things that I have done is gone from 4 tbs of creamer down to 1 tbs, cutting about 15 grams of sugar! I also switched from flavored oatmeal to plain oatmeal with a spoon full of peanut butter saving me another 4+ grams of sugar. My next step is to take my high sugar yogurt and swap it with plain yogurt saving me almost 15 grams of sugar. My goal, as with anything that I do, is not to become the sugar Nazi but to become aware of where the empty sugars are hiding. How about you what are your sugar saving tips?

This is not My Body

Yesterday as I was getting dressed I looked in the mirror and thought to myself "ugh this is not my body" I know and understand that I just had a baby so I need to cut myself some slack and I do. With that being said, I know that I will feel so much better if I start to do something about getting by body back to its pre-baby weight. The saying is that it takes 9 months to put the weight on, so it will takes 9 months to get your body back. Aj is 4 months and 3 weeks, so if we stick to the old adages of 9 months on 9 months off, that gives my project a deadline of May 7.
So what am I going to do to accomplish this goal. Well let see, I am going to do a lot of trial and error to see what will work with my new families schedule but here are my thoughts:
1. Because I am nursing I have to be careful with my diet. I need to make sure I intake between 1800-2000 calories a day, but I will make sure that they are all good and healthy food :-)
2. Annie my border collie mix also gained baby weight with me and is in need of a little body make over as well. My goal is to start running/ walking with her 4-5 a week
3. Renaissance offers a great 45 minute ballet stretch / tone class twice a week that works perfectly in my schedule
4. Lifting weights twice a week at 21 minute fitness is Walnut Creek (great workout!)
5. For fun and to get me active on the weekends I thought I would try a new class every weekend at Renaissance
These are just a few ideas. I will make sure to let you know how it goes