#87

Tuesday May 8, 2012

Dear Aj,

A year ago this month we found your tumor. Those were some of the scariest months that I have had to go through. It all has worked out, but I am still scared when I see a bruise, if you nap longer than normal or anything that could be a sign of cancer. I know that these are all very silly things for me to worry about now. Your tumor was benign, it was completely removed and not the kind to spread. Still I have spent this year on high alert with you, I have gone from Red alert and am currently trying to bring myself back into normal range. You are and will always be my baby and it is my job to protect you from bad things happening to you. I have to trust in myself that my Mommy instincts will kick in again if needed and I will always listen to that voice that a year ago let me knew something was wrong. For now it has been a year, your tumor is gone your AFP is in normal range and you are developing like any normal toddler should. We're so lucky and I thank whomever everyday that the path that we were given was just that and not one down another scary road of chemo treatments and extended hospital stays. That path is out there and I am very much aware that it could have been our world today, but it was not. I feel that on this week, the one year mark of finding your tumor it is time for me to put my fears behind me and know that we will not have to travel down that very scary path. My heart and support will forever be with those mothers, children and families. We will always go the extra mile to support them, because it could have very easily have been us. When you growup and are healthy, remember that please. Remember just how lucky you are. I know I will.

I love you more than you will ever know,
Mommy